“You Look Great!”
Should we comment on how other people look?
Health doesn't have a look.
"You look great!" - Said to a person who is not feeling great and is struggling with their mental health.
A common assumption that is spread in the fitness industry is that health is based on appearance. Or a number on the scale.
It's a very narrow view of health.
You can't just go to a gym, lift some mental health weights, wake up the next day and be 5 mental health pounds stronger.
It ain't that simple. Exercise can absolutely assist in how you feel, but it is also another form of stress.
When we comment on people's physical appearance, it can negate the mental health component of overall health.
Here's is a different approach you can take if you want to comment (positively) about someone's appearance:
You: "How are you doing? How is work?"
Friend: "I am doing great, my new position at work is a lot less stressful!"
You: "That's awesome! You seem a lot happier. It's noticeable!"
OR
You: "How are you doing? How is work?"
Friend: "I am not doing great, I've been very stressed lately!"
You: "Sorry to hear that, do you want to talk about it?
You've complimented their appearance without making it about physical attributes or given them the opportunity to talk to someone about how they are feeling.
If you have other thoughts or ideas comment below!
Judging Choices
Who are we to judge?
We have no business judging people's choices.
As we continue to deal with the pandemic and more gym closures, the comment of "Why are gyms closed but fast food restaurants are still open" continues to be spread by the fitness industry.
It's a bullshit comparison that needs to stop.
Gyms are not more essential than people's access to food. The quality of the food at those places is irrelevant.
I want gyms to be open. They allow people to improve their health. But we all need access to food. It's a basic human need.
And the narrative is full of judgement and assumption.
It assumes you are going there to make "bad" choices.
Those same "bad" choices could be made at a grocery store. Yet no one is complaining that those are open.
Is getting that Happy Meal for your kids after a challenging day of online learning "bad"?
Is getting that $1 coffee "bad"?
Is a homeless person getting their first meal in days "bad"?
People judge those places because they assume the food is unhealthy.
You know what else is unhealthy? Not having any food.
People judge the people who go there because they assume the people who go there are unhealthy.
You know what is also unhealthy? Judging and shaming people.
We have no business judging peoples choices. We don't know their story. We don't know why they made that choice.
We can help people improve without judgement. It requires compassion and understanding.
“I’m So Weak”
Are you weak?
This is one of my least favourite gym sayings. It can also be heard in the rehab world.
It’s unlikely to be helpful to you and unlikely to be helpful for others.
First: There is no defined quantity of what is strong and what is weak. Sure, each of those words has its own definition. But at what point is one weak? At what point is one strong?
Are you strong when you can deadlift 100lbs? 200lbs? 300lbs? 600lbs?
And if you can’t lift any of those weights are you weak?
Let’s replace “I’m so weak” with something along the lines of “I’m going to make it a priority to get stronger”.
Let’s say you can deadlift 300lbs and you say that you are so weak. The person next to you who just joined the gym can deadlift 50lbs. I doubt they will feel great about themselves when they hear that.
But I believe we can all unite around the idea of wanting to get better at something.
So let’s all make sure we aren’t referring to our starting point as weak.
Goals Based Coaching
How should you be coached?
Changing how someone moves has to be about their goals.
Prescribing a movement to a client has to be about their goals.
There is so much absolutism in the fitness industry.
“You need to squat below parallel”
“Your posture needs to be this way”
“You should never round your back”
“You need the olympic lifts to develop your functional fitness”
For so many reasons these statements don’t make sense.
I believe the fitness industry needs more goal based coaching and less absolutism.
If a client is going to be told to do (or not to do something) there needs to be a reason or logic behind it. And that can’t be because it worked for some random person.
What you do for training needs to be related to your goals. Unfortunately many coaches never get to the stage of learning what those goals are.
Olympic lifts help you feel stronger and more confident? Let’s do them.
Olympic lifts make you angry and leave you wanting to skip the gym. That’s a no for me dawg.
Squatting below parallel gives you back pain? And it’s a priority for you to address it? Oh we are addressing it.
Squatting below parallel gives you back pain? But you couldn’t care less about your squat and there are other squatting variations that feel better for you. Ya let’s do those.
Without knowing what your goals are, we could be going in circles.
Knowing what your goals are, we can find the right path to achieve them.
“Hey Guys”
There is a better way to speak to groups.
I’m a believer that language matters and that words have meaning.
As such I am working on removing the word “guys” from my vocabulary when speaking to groups.
Growing up “guys” was used a lot as a group term while playing sports.
Then I noticed it even more in the military (a male dominated culture).
Then I started hearing (and using the term) even more in gyms (also a male dominated culture).
To keep things simple, I believe the term needs to be removed when speaking to groups, because it is very often a false statement.
When using the term, are we actually speaking to guys? Are we 100% sure?
I believe it to be important to address and speak to people the way they want to be spoken to.
This is not my lived experience but I imagine that women do not want to be addressed as men.
I also imagine that a transgender woman would not want to want to be addressed as a man.
Even if we feel like we are talking to a group of only men, how can we possibly be 100% sure? It’s none of our business, so don’t bother asking the question.
There are more inclusive words we can use. This could be “folks” or “everyone”, or “class” or “team”. It may also be a filler word that needs no substitute.
So much of this has become internalized and will require unlearning. But it is also such a simple change. A change that would recognize that we respect others.
Note: This also applies when speaking to groups and saying things like “hey ladies”.