“You Look Great!”
Should we comment on how other people look?
Health doesn't have a look.
"You look great!" - Said to a person who is not feeling great and is struggling with their mental health.
A common assumption that is spread in the fitness industry is that health is based on appearance. Or a number on the scale.
It's a very narrow view of health.
You can't just go to a gym, lift some mental health weights, wake up the next day and be 5 mental health pounds stronger.
It ain't that simple. Exercise can absolutely assist in how you feel, but it is also another form of stress.
When we comment on people's physical appearance, it can negate the mental health component of overall health.
Here's is a different approach you can take if you want to comment (positively) about someone's appearance:
You: "How are you doing? How is work?"
Friend: "I am doing great, my new position at work is a lot less stressful!"
You: "That's awesome! You seem a lot happier. It's noticeable!"
OR
You: "How are you doing? How is work?"
Friend: "I am not doing great, I've been very stressed lately!"
You: "Sorry to hear that, do you want to talk about it?
You've complimented their appearance without making it about physical attributes or given them the opportunity to talk to someone about how they are feeling.
If you have other thoughts or ideas comment below!
Judging Choices
Who are we to judge?
We have no business judging people's choices.
As we continue to deal with the pandemic and more gym closures, the comment of "Why are gyms closed but fast food restaurants are still open" continues to be spread by the fitness industry.
It's a bullshit comparison that needs to stop.
Gyms are not more essential than people's access to food. The quality of the food at those places is irrelevant.
I want gyms to be open. They allow people to improve their health. But we all need access to food. It's a basic human need.
And the narrative is full of judgement and assumption.
It assumes you are going there to make "bad" choices.
Those same "bad" choices could be made at a grocery store. Yet no one is complaining that those are open.
Is getting that Happy Meal for your kids after a challenging day of online learning "bad"?
Is getting that $1 coffee "bad"?
Is a homeless person getting their first meal in days "bad"?
People judge those places because they assume the food is unhealthy.
You know what else is unhealthy? Not having any food.
People judge the people who go there because they assume the people who go there are unhealthy.
You know what is also unhealthy? Judging and shaming people.
We have no business judging peoples choices. We don't know their story. We don't know why they made that choice.
We can help people improve without judgement. It requires compassion and understanding.
“Hey Guys”
There is a better way to speak to groups.
I’m a believer that language matters and that words have meaning.
As such I am working on removing the word “guys” from my vocabulary when speaking to groups.
Growing up “guys” was used a lot as a group term while playing sports.
Then I noticed it even more in the military (a male dominated culture).
Then I started hearing (and using the term) even more in gyms (also a male dominated culture).
To keep things simple, I believe the term needs to be removed when speaking to groups, because it is very often a false statement.
When using the term, are we actually speaking to guys? Are we 100% sure?
I believe it to be important to address and speak to people the way they want to be spoken to.
This is not my lived experience but I imagine that women do not want to be addressed as men.
I also imagine that a transgender woman would not want to want to be addressed as a man.
Even if we feel like we are talking to a group of only men, how can we possibly be 100% sure? It’s none of our business, so don’t bother asking the question.
There are more inclusive words we can use. This could be “folks” or “everyone”, or “class” or “team”. It may also be a filler word that needs no substitute.
So much of this has become internalized and will require unlearning. But it is also such a simple change. A change that would recognize that we respect others.
Note: This also applies when speaking to groups and saying things like “hey ladies”.